Wednesday, May 1, 2013

To Hear His Voice

Very interesting, these last few days.  I have had a rush of inspiration starting Sunday morning.  You really just never know how the Lord is going to whisper to you. My inspiration actually came from a very unassuming trigger..... a facebook post from someone I wouldn't necessarily put a whole lot of stock in the typical topics they would normally post - essentially because, although I have a deep love for this person, we rarely see eye-to-eye on matters of life, love and liberty.  Nonetheless, the Lord took this person's post, and hit me over the heart with it.

My inspiration is a ministry and small business opportunity, although, if you don't mind, I'd like to hang on to the details as of now.  So far, only 3 closest to me really have heard me out, and are fully supportive, and "get it."Most of all, these 3 hear God's voice the same way I do, and thus support the idea all the more.

My mind has been reeling.  Back and forth, this way and that, how to and what if.

Then, bam..... tonight, as I'm researching the very basics of what i will need to start, I discover I'm about 2 years and quite a few thousand dollars away from realizing this goal.

Now, I just had a small case of the "Dang....... well, maybe not."  And in the course of writing this blog post to sort of vent my frustration and my life lesson one way, another resolve has set in my heart.

Nevermind the disdain I was feeling.  how about what I'm reading now?!

First of all, two years is no time at all.  And given that there may be fast-forwards and a few set backs, it'll happen in the right amount of perfect timeframing that it is supposed to happen within.

Second, a couple of thousand dollars is a drop in the bucket to God.  "What money?" he asks, "It's my money anyway. Why are you thinking that's going to hold us up?"  Yep, okay.

Now, instantly what had come to my mind was "Well, in two years.... D will be finishing kindergarten, and J will be almost done with 2nd grade..... how do I juggle child care and this other business that my husband wants to do..... what about the ifs and buts in between?"

God said "hush, Katie."

Then....the most interesting part.  My devotion with my son tonight was spot on.

I Samuel 15: 1-3, and 10-22 ..... Samuel had been given instruction to make Saul the king of the Israelites.  Then God told Saul to get busy and wipe out the Amalekites because they needed to be gone.  "WIPE THEM ALL OUT.  LEAVE NOTHING.  TAKE THEIR KING.  KILL THE PEOPLE AND THEIR LIVESTOCK."  Onward they went and fought the battle.  Took it like champs.  Then, once some time had passed, Samuel went to check in.

Baaaaaaaaaaa........ Moooooooooo....... Samuel said "Why do I hear animals? and why do I see the king of the Amalekites chained up over there?" Saul replied saying "Ohhhh well, we wiped out EVERYTHING you said, but you know, we had to have SOMETHING for sacrifice for the Lord, plus we thought you might want to have some fun with the king before he's gone....."

Samuel laid it on him.  "You are in direct disobedience to God.  He said leave nothing.  For this, I am forced to relieve you as king. God sees obedience to be more importance than sacrifice."

All this to say.......... I'm entering into this journey not really sure where its going to take me.  But I'm asking the Lord to tell me what he wants me to do, AND to give me the strength and resolve to do EXACTLY what it is He is asking me, and not veer in my own direction. 

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Why do I feel like every day i'm "waiting" for something?  What am I waiting for?  I feel an impatience.  I feel a longing.  I feel like I'm anticipating something.  A change of some sort.  The feeling of anticipation makes me feel antsy, unsettled and anxious, and unsatisfied.  I shuffle papers and toys around, and then shuffle them again to a different spot.  I can't settle.  I long to settle. 


Being a mom is a lesson in sacrifice and patience.  And so much more...........

This year I grew a garden.  Every time I went out to tend to my garden, I could not help by relate gardening to raising children.  Just makes sense.  More on that later when I don't have a thousand things to do.......


Monday, July 30, 2012

Ups and Downs

Its hard, this life, sometimes.

Ups and downs. Ins and outs.  I guess that just comes with the territory.

Last year was an incredible year.  But in reference to one of my last posts (yes, it has been that long ago.....) I have a little update:

First of all, I didn't run the 1/2 marathon in February.  Being a stay at home mom with two young children just isn't conducive to regular exercise unless you have a regular schedule.  We have a "regular" schedule full of irregularities.  So therefore, it did not happen.  BUT - update on that - Joey AND Delaney both head to school at the end of next week, so starting next week, I train for my first official 1/2 marathon that will take place the first weekend of October.  Yes, yes - not a lot of time to train, but I know I can do it.  If anything, October is my trial run for my next half - the St Jude in December.  :)  I'm ready to start!  I'm hoping that I'm injury free completely and fresh-legged by next week.  I'm relaxing this week so that I can fully recover from strains and stresses of switching shoes numerous times in the last few months.  This has caused me much pain.

Second - we DID in fact visit NYC in October. And it was all I could ever expect, and more.  I thoroughly enjoyed the trip, as I was able to have some time to myself to roam the city solo.  And then once I was through being solo, I went duo with Joe when he was out of his meetings.  Perfect!  And my Aunt Julie happened to be visiting a day or two while we were there as well, and we met up for more explorations with her.  Wonderful time!

And third - the performance for music thingy never really panned out, but that's alright.  The more I think about it, the more I really don't think its for me.  I was planning to pull out some delta music by my brother in law, but now that he has moved back to Mississippi, I would want HIM to do his OWN music for the show.  And rightfully so.  He would kill it, and I wouldn't be able to do it justice.

This year has been a busy one indeed.  Loving life, but ready for a hiatus refresher.  Trying to plan a getaway for a friend and me to take place within the next few weeks.  My glass is empty.  Its time to fill it back up with quiet and restoration.   If she cannot go with me, I'm flying solo as I best know how.

Joey and Delaney are growing like weeds.  Beautiful flowers, more like.  Enjoying them more everyday, and the challenges that parenthood throws our way.

Joe is fantastic.  He's amazing, simply.  I grow in love with him more every day.

More soon....... so I hope.


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Its all good.

Like always, I have way too much to do to be blogging. That's why I haven't been on here in ages .... again. I always promise to "update" more often, and trust me, it crosses my mind every day about what I want to write about. But of course, with 2 little kiddos, my personal things get put off.

I'm trying to do better about sliding in personal "things" though, but in little steps - such as listening to music, reading, taking a long shower. Its crazy.... when you get married, its one thing. When you start the journey of having kids, its another.

My friend Ashley, (who is my long time ago friend from Nashville, and if I was still there, I'm sure we'd venture to be much closer friends! But alas, thank you to facebook....) put up a quote on her facebook page the other day that rang true to me: "What is most characteristically human about us is the tension between the desire to be 'free' - self identifying and self choosing - and to be 'related' - to love and be loved." (A quote by Paul Tillich.)

I so often find myself in such a bind as this. Never ever ever would I want to change my current situation. But I think most all that are in a committed relationship - albeit marriage, a parent, or simply an employee - find themselves longing for the simplicity (or what seems to be at the time of reflection) of running solo with no one to tell you who to be, where to go, or what to do.

Maybe I just long for this in short bursts. I love the time that I have with my family and often have scary flashes of "what would this life be like without....." and have to hold back the sobs, and think happy in-the-moment-now thoughts. But a few hours here and there of quiet would do me some good. Too much time away and I start getting nervous about what/how my family is doing (without me to wipe noses and butts), and I also start to miss them - terribly. (The old adage comes to mind though: "How can I miss you if you never go away?")

But yes, there are little things that I've been trying to do for my selfish needs of peace and serenity so that I can maintain a sense of individuality in my little world that puts such heavy demands on my attention, energy, and personal time.

1. I've always wanted more time to read and I never - EVER - have time to read. And when I say "read," I'm not talking about magazines (although itd be nice to peruse a magazine from cover to cover without skipping directly to the recipes to figure out a quick dinner). I'm talking about reading classic works of literature like "A Tale of Two Cities" and "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" and .... well..... so many, many others. So - over Christmas, I caught a commercial for Audible app on the iphone and jotted it down on a nearby index card for a reminder to investigate the app when I have time. I downloaded the app a few days later and gave it a whirl. Audible is an audio book app that reads books to you (much like the book-on-tape). I loaded a couple of excerpts of books - the first title "The Vampire Hunters" with a picture of Abraham Lincoln on the cover, which, thankfully were free :30 min samples because that book was HORRIBLE - and the second was "A Farewell to Arms" by Hemingway. Lovely choice. Once I delved into learning about memberships, I learned I already had the option to purchase books on my itunes account, and as I wasn't sure how much I was going to use particular thing vs. how much I should spend if I don't use it as much, I decided to give it a good try on Itunes first, opting for Audible membership later of which I can receive books at bargain basement prices instead of full cost. So now.... when I squeeze in a run at the end of the day - and yes it is dark and cold when I do go running - I listen to books, not music. And I absolutely have fallen in love. And it makes my exercising go by so very quickly. I finally don't have to wait until I die and go to heaven to delve into the classics! :) Although I'll probably have to keep reading up There, as I'll never pace quickly enough to cover them all down here.

2. Pandora radio has opened up a world of love to me as well. I've fallen deeply in love with Nat King Cole as of late and have wanted to hear his music and others much similar to him, ie Frank Sinatra, Etta James, Ella Fitzgerald, Rosemary Clooney, Bobby Darin, etc etc. I slap my pandora radio on Nat King Cole while I'm cooking or putting on my make up, and put a smile on my face. If my kids are around, they usually fall victim of me grabbing them up for a quick dance around the kitchen before squealing with laughter for me to put them down.

3. Running has always been my moment of escape and release. I just try as hard as I can to get it in before its too late. Its winter now and I look forward to spring and summer nights so I can run when the sun is still out. But for now, thank you to the reflector bands I picked up at the military bases along the way in my travels back in the day. When I'd run on the bases during my travels, I was required to wear reflective material at all times. Some sort of rule. Sooo..... Guantanamo Bay reflectors are keeping me going to this day.

4. Scheduling my kids days has become a lifesaver. Not every day do we stay on course, but probably 4 or 5 days out of 7 usually hit the mark and get everyone going in the right direction at the right time. I have to keep my head straight and solid so as to not fight with my kids when "its time" to do go x, y, or z. Its "Just the way it is" kids. Then they get up on time, nap on time, eat on time, do homework on time, and go to bed on time. And I can breath on time.

Ok...... time to let the sitter go. :) Unfortunately my day has been an utter waste. I got off on the wrong foot by spilling 1/2 a bottle of water on my computer when I have a to-do list the size of the declaration of independence. But it all goes down one way for a reason, and so the day seems like a waste to me - but it wasn't to Him. And in that, I find serenity.

God bless....


Friday, October 14, 2011

Choice of Choice - and it better be good.

My stomach hurts. I hate moments like this.

I've had to be super hard on my boy these last few days. He's picking up some realllllllly bad habits at school. Some nasty talk and just simple rudeness that we have never allowed in our 4 walls. Sassy talk, back talk and snotty behavior.

Today, after punishing through time out, spanking, and then finally removing the possession of his bike, I sat down to have a little life lesson chat with him.

In front of him, I laid out 2 randomly chosen books and said "Joey..... here are 2 books. Which one would you like to read?"

"This one," he replied.

"Joey," I said, "you just made a choice. You chose this book to read, instead of this other one. Do you understand what 'making a choice' means?"

He nodded.

"Ok, good, Joey. you know there are good choices, and bad choices? Good choices are happy choices, that make you smile and laugh and love. When you make good choices, good things happen. When you make bad choices, bad things happen. Bad choices make you sad, cry and hate. Those bad choices hurt you."

He was listening intently. I went on....

"What kind of choices do you want to make? Good or bad?"

"Good," he said.

"Good. To speak sweetly and politely and say 'good' words is making a good choice. To be sassy and mean and not respectfully is to make a bad choice. I hope you decide to make good choices and speak sweetly to Ms Jackie, to me and to daddy and your friends. If you make a bad choice and speak sassy to us, bad things will happen. Jesus wants you to make good choices, not bad. He asks us to be sweet to each other."

He got the point. But it was a difficult talk - not without a lot of heartache on the front end. But if he doesn't grasp this concept NOW, it could mean a world of hurt later.

The adventures of being a mom......