Why do I feel like every day i'm "waiting" for something? What am I waiting for? I feel an impatience. I feel a longing. I feel like I'm anticipating something. A change of some sort. The feeling of anticipation makes me feel antsy, unsettled and anxious, and unsatisfied. I shuffle papers and toys around, and then shuffle them again to a different spot. I can't settle. I long to settle.
Ugh.
xo
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
Ups and Downs
Its hard, this life, sometimes.
Ups and downs. Ins and outs. I guess that just comes with the territory.
Last year was an incredible year. But in reference to one of my last posts (yes, it has been that long ago.....) I have a little update:
First of all, I didn't run the 1/2 marathon in February. Being a stay at home mom with two young children just isn't conducive to regular exercise unless you have a regular schedule. We have a "regular" schedule full of irregularities. So therefore, it did not happen. BUT - update on that - Joey AND Delaney both head to school at the end of next week, so starting next week, I train for my first official 1/2 marathon that will take place the first weekend of October. Yes, yes - not a lot of time to train, but I know I can do it. If anything, October is my trial run for my next half - the St Jude in December. :) I'm ready to start! I'm hoping that I'm injury free completely and fresh-legged by next week. I'm relaxing this week so that I can fully recover from strains and stresses of switching shoes numerous times in the last few months. This has caused me much pain.
Second - we DID in fact visit NYC in October. And it was all I could ever expect, and more. I thoroughly enjoyed the trip, as I was able to have some time to myself to roam the city solo. And then once I was through being solo, I went duo with Joe when he was out of his meetings. Perfect! And my Aunt Julie happened to be visiting a day or two while we were there as well, and we met up for more explorations with her. Wonderful time!
And third - the performance for music thingy never really panned out, but that's alright. The more I think about it, the more I really don't think its for me. I was planning to pull out some delta music by my brother in law, but now that he has moved back to Mississippi, I would want HIM to do his OWN music for the show. And rightfully so. He would kill it, and I wouldn't be able to do it justice.
This year has been a busy one indeed. Loving life, but ready for a hiatus refresher. Trying to plan a getaway for a friend and me to take place within the next few weeks. My glass is empty. Its time to fill it back up with quiet and restoration. If she cannot go with me, I'm flying solo as I best know how.
Joey and Delaney are growing like weeds. Beautiful flowers, more like. Enjoying them more everyday, and the challenges that parenthood throws our way.
Joe is fantastic. He's amazing, simply. I grow in love with him more every day.
More soon....... so I hope.
xo
Ups and downs. Ins and outs. I guess that just comes with the territory.
Last year was an incredible year. But in reference to one of my last posts (yes, it has been that long ago.....) I have a little update:
First of all, I didn't run the 1/2 marathon in February. Being a stay at home mom with two young children just isn't conducive to regular exercise unless you have a regular schedule. We have a "regular" schedule full of irregularities. So therefore, it did not happen. BUT - update on that - Joey AND Delaney both head to school at the end of next week, so starting next week, I train for my first official 1/2 marathon that will take place the first weekend of October. Yes, yes - not a lot of time to train, but I know I can do it. If anything, October is my trial run for my next half - the St Jude in December. :) I'm ready to start! I'm hoping that I'm injury free completely and fresh-legged by next week. I'm relaxing this week so that I can fully recover from strains and stresses of switching shoes numerous times in the last few months. This has caused me much pain.
Second - we DID in fact visit NYC in October. And it was all I could ever expect, and more. I thoroughly enjoyed the trip, as I was able to have some time to myself to roam the city solo. And then once I was through being solo, I went duo with Joe when he was out of his meetings. Perfect! And my Aunt Julie happened to be visiting a day or two while we were there as well, and we met up for more explorations with her. Wonderful time!
And third - the performance for music thingy never really panned out, but that's alright. The more I think about it, the more I really don't think its for me. I was planning to pull out some delta music by my brother in law, but now that he has moved back to Mississippi, I would want HIM to do his OWN music for the show. And rightfully so. He would kill it, and I wouldn't be able to do it justice.
This year has been a busy one indeed. Loving life, but ready for a hiatus refresher. Trying to plan a getaway for a friend and me to take place within the next few weeks. My glass is empty. Its time to fill it back up with quiet and restoration. If she cannot go with me, I'm flying solo as I best know how.
Joey and Delaney are growing like weeds. Beautiful flowers, more like. Enjoying them more everyday, and the challenges that parenthood throws our way.
Joe is fantastic. He's amazing, simply. I grow in love with him more every day.
More soon....... so I hope.
xo
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Its all good.
Like always, I have way too much to do to be blogging. That's why I haven't been on here in ages .... again. I always promise to "update" more often, and trust me, it crosses my mind every day about what I want to write about. But of course, with 2 little kiddos, my personal things get put off.
I'm trying to do better about sliding in personal "things" though, but in little steps - such as listening to music, reading, taking a long shower. Its crazy.... when you get married, its one thing. When you start the journey of having kids, its another.
My friend Ashley, (who is my long time ago friend from Nashville, and if I was still there, I'm sure we'd venture to be much closer friends! But alas, thank you to facebook....) put up a quote on her facebook page the other day that rang true to me: "What is most characteristically human about us is the tension between the desire to be 'free' - self identifying and self choosing - and to be 'related' - to love and be loved." (A quote by Paul Tillich.)
I so often find myself in such a bind as this. Never ever ever would I want to change my current situation. But I think most all that are in a committed relationship - albeit marriage, a parent, or simply an employee - find themselves longing for the simplicity (or what seems to be at the time of reflection) of running solo with no one to tell you who to be, where to go, or what to do.
Maybe I just long for this in short bursts. I love the time that I have with my family and often have scary flashes of "what would this life be like without....." and have to hold back the sobs, and think happy in-the-moment-now thoughts. But a few hours here and there of quiet would do me some good. Too much time away and I start getting nervous about what/how my family is doing (without me to wipe noses and butts), and I also start to miss them - terribly. (The old adage comes to mind though: "How can I miss you if you never go away?")
But yes, there are little things that I've been trying to do for my selfish needs of peace and serenity so that I can maintain a sense of individuality in my little world that puts such heavy demands on my attention, energy, and personal time.
1. I've always wanted more time to read and I never - EVER - have time to read. And when I say "read," I'm not talking about magazines (although itd be nice to peruse a magazine from cover to cover without skipping directly to the recipes to figure out a quick dinner). I'm talking about reading classic works of literature like "A Tale of Two Cities" and "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" and .... well..... so many, many others. So - over Christmas, I caught a commercial for Audible app on the iphone and jotted it down on a nearby index card for a reminder to investigate the app when I have time. I downloaded the app a few days later and gave it a whirl. Audible is an audio book app that reads books to you (much like the book-on-tape). I loaded a couple of excerpts of books - the first title "The Vampire Hunters" with a picture of Abraham Lincoln on the cover, which, thankfully were free :30 min samples because that book was HORRIBLE - and the second was "A Farewell to Arms" by Hemingway. Lovely choice. Once I delved into learning about memberships, I learned I already had the option to purchase books on my itunes account, and as I wasn't sure how much I was going to use particular thing vs. how much I should spend if I don't use it as much, I decided to give it a good try on Itunes first, opting for Audible membership later of which I can receive books at bargain basement prices instead of full cost. So now.... when I squeeze in a run at the end of the day - and yes it is dark and cold when I do go running - I listen to books, not music. And I absolutely have fallen in love. And it makes my exercising go by so very quickly. I finally don't have to wait until I die and go to heaven to delve into the classics! :) Although I'll probably have to keep reading up There, as I'll never pace quickly enough to cover them all down here.
2. Pandora radio has opened up a world of love to me as well. I've fallen deeply in love with Nat King Cole as of late and have wanted to hear his music and others much similar to him, ie Frank Sinatra, Etta James, Ella Fitzgerald, Rosemary Clooney, Bobby Darin, etc etc. I slap my pandora radio on Nat King Cole while I'm cooking or putting on my make up, and put a smile on my face. If my kids are around, they usually fall victim of me grabbing them up for a quick dance around the kitchen before squealing with laughter for me to put them down.
3. Running has always been my moment of escape and release. I just try as hard as I can to get it in before its too late. Its winter now and I look forward to spring and summer nights so I can run when the sun is still out. But for now, thank you to the reflector bands I picked up at the military bases along the way in my travels back in the day. When I'd run on the bases during my travels, I was required to wear reflective material at all times. Some sort of rule. Sooo..... Guantanamo Bay reflectors are keeping me going to this day.
4. Scheduling my kids days has become a lifesaver. Not every day do we stay on course, but probably 4 or 5 days out of 7 usually hit the mark and get everyone going in the right direction at the right time. I have to keep my head straight and solid so as to not fight with my kids when "its time" to do go x, y, or z. Its "Just the way it is" kids. Then they get up on time, nap on time, eat on time, do homework on time, and go to bed on time. And I can breath on time.
Ok...... time to let the sitter go. :) Unfortunately my day has been an utter waste. I got off on the wrong foot by spilling 1/2 a bottle of water on my computer when I have a to-do list the size of the declaration of independence. But it all goes down one way for a reason, and so the day seems like a waste to me - but it wasn't to Him. And in that, I find serenity.
God bless....
xo,
katie
I'm trying to do better about sliding in personal "things" though, but in little steps - such as listening to music, reading, taking a long shower. Its crazy.... when you get married, its one thing. When you start the journey of having kids, its another.
My friend Ashley, (who is my long time ago friend from Nashville, and if I was still there, I'm sure we'd venture to be much closer friends! But alas, thank you to facebook....) put up a quote on her facebook page the other day that rang true to me: "What is most characteristically human about us is the tension between the desire to be 'free' - self identifying and self choosing - and to be 'related' - to love and be loved." (A quote by Paul Tillich.)
I so often find myself in such a bind as this. Never ever ever would I want to change my current situation. But I think most all that are in a committed relationship - albeit marriage, a parent, or simply an employee - find themselves longing for the simplicity (or what seems to be at the time of reflection) of running solo with no one to tell you who to be, where to go, or what to do.
Maybe I just long for this in short bursts. I love the time that I have with my family and often have scary flashes of "what would this life be like without....." and have to hold back the sobs, and think happy in-the-moment-now thoughts. But a few hours here and there of quiet would do me some good. Too much time away and I start getting nervous about what/how my family is doing (without me to wipe noses and butts), and I also start to miss them - terribly. (The old adage comes to mind though: "How can I miss you if you never go away?")
But yes, there are little things that I've been trying to do for my selfish needs of peace and serenity so that I can maintain a sense of individuality in my little world that puts such heavy demands on my attention, energy, and personal time.
1. I've always wanted more time to read and I never - EVER - have time to read. And when I say "read," I'm not talking about magazines (although itd be nice to peruse a magazine from cover to cover without skipping directly to the recipes to figure out a quick dinner). I'm talking about reading classic works of literature like "A Tale of Two Cities" and "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" and .... well..... so many, many others. So - over Christmas, I caught a commercial for Audible app on the iphone and jotted it down on a nearby index card for a reminder to investigate the app when I have time. I downloaded the app a few days later and gave it a whirl. Audible is an audio book app that reads books to you (much like the book-on-tape). I loaded a couple of excerpts of books - the first title "The Vampire Hunters" with a picture of Abraham Lincoln on the cover, which, thankfully were free :30 min samples because that book was HORRIBLE - and the second was "A Farewell to Arms" by Hemingway. Lovely choice. Once I delved into learning about memberships, I learned I already had the option to purchase books on my itunes account, and as I wasn't sure how much I was going to use particular thing vs. how much I should spend if I don't use it as much, I decided to give it a good try on Itunes first, opting for Audible membership later of which I can receive books at bargain basement prices instead of full cost. So now.... when I squeeze in a run at the end of the day - and yes it is dark and cold when I do go running - I listen to books, not music. And I absolutely have fallen in love. And it makes my exercising go by so very quickly. I finally don't have to wait until I die and go to heaven to delve into the classics! :) Although I'll probably have to keep reading up There, as I'll never pace quickly enough to cover them all down here.
2. Pandora radio has opened up a world of love to me as well. I've fallen deeply in love with Nat King Cole as of late and have wanted to hear his music and others much similar to him, ie Frank Sinatra, Etta James, Ella Fitzgerald, Rosemary Clooney, Bobby Darin, etc etc. I slap my pandora radio on Nat King Cole while I'm cooking or putting on my make up, and put a smile on my face. If my kids are around, they usually fall victim of me grabbing them up for a quick dance around the kitchen before squealing with laughter for me to put them down.
3. Running has always been my moment of escape and release. I just try as hard as I can to get it in before its too late. Its winter now and I look forward to spring and summer nights so I can run when the sun is still out. But for now, thank you to the reflector bands I picked up at the military bases along the way in my travels back in the day. When I'd run on the bases during my travels, I was required to wear reflective material at all times. Some sort of rule. Sooo..... Guantanamo Bay reflectors are keeping me going to this day.
4. Scheduling my kids days has become a lifesaver. Not every day do we stay on course, but probably 4 or 5 days out of 7 usually hit the mark and get everyone going in the right direction at the right time. I have to keep my head straight and solid so as to not fight with my kids when "its time" to do go x, y, or z. Its "Just the way it is" kids. Then they get up on time, nap on time, eat on time, do homework on time, and go to bed on time. And I can breath on time.
Ok...... time to let the sitter go. :) Unfortunately my day has been an utter waste. I got off on the wrong foot by spilling 1/2 a bottle of water on my computer when I have a to-do list the size of the declaration of independence. But it all goes down one way for a reason, and so the day seems like a waste to me - but it wasn't to Him. And in that, I find serenity.
God bless....
xo,
katie
Friday, October 14, 2011
Choice of Choice - and it better be good.
My stomach hurts. I hate moments like this.
I've had to be super hard on my boy these last few days. He's picking up some realllllllly bad habits at school. Some nasty talk and just simple rudeness that we have never allowed in our 4 walls. Sassy talk, back talk and snotty behavior.
Today, after punishing through time out, spanking, and then finally removing the possession of his bike, I sat down to have a little life lesson chat with him.
In front of him, I laid out 2 randomly chosen books and said "Joey..... here are 2 books. Which one would you like to read?"
"This one," he replied.
"Joey," I said, "you just made a choice. You chose this book to read, instead of this other one. Do you understand what 'making a choice' means?"
He nodded.
"Ok, good, Joey. Now....do you know there are good choices, and bad choices? Good choices are happy choices, that make you smile and laugh and love. When you make good choices, good things happen. When you make bad choices, bad things happen. Bad choices make you sad, cry and hate. Those bad choices hurt you."
He was listening intently. I went on....
"What kind of choices do you want to make? Good or bad?"
"Good," he said.
"Good. To speak sweetly and politely and say 'good' words is making a good choice. To be sassy and mean and not respectfully is to make a bad choice. I hope you decide to make good choices and speak sweetly to Ms Jackie, to me and to daddy and your friends. If you make a bad choice and speak sassy to us, bad things will happen. Jesus wants you to make good choices, not bad. He asks us to be sweet to each other."
He got the point. But it was a difficult talk - not without a lot of heartache on the front end. But if he doesn't grasp this concept NOW, it could mean a world of hurt later.
The adventures of being a mom......
xo
I've had to be super hard on my boy these last few days. He's picking up some realllllllly bad habits at school. Some nasty talk and just simple rudeness that we have never allowed in our 4 walls. Sassy talk, back talk and snotty behavior.
Today, after punishing through time out, spanking, and then finally removing the possession of his bike, I sat down to have a little life lesson chat with him.
In front of him, I laid out 2 randomly chosen books and said "Joey..... here are 2 books. Which one would you like to read?"
"This one," he replied.
"Joey," I said, "you just made a choice. You chose this book to read, instead of this other one. Do you understand what 'making a choice' means?"
He nodded.
"Ok, good, Joey. Now....do you know there are good choices, and bad choices? Good choices are happy choices, that make you smile and laugh and love. When you make good choices, good things happen. When you make bad choices, bad things happen. Bad choices make you sad, cry and hate. Those bad choices hurt you."
He was listening intently. I went on....
"What kind of choices do you want to make? Good or bad?"
"Good," he said.
"Good. To speak sweetly and politely and say 'good' words is making a good choice. To be sassy and mean and not respectfully is to make a bad choice. I hope you decide to make good choices and speak sweetly to Ms Jackie, to me and to daddy and your friends. If you make a bad choice and speak sassy to us, bad things will happen. Jesus wants you to make good choices, not bad. He asks us to be sweet to each other."
He got the point. But it was a difficult talk - not without a lot of heartache on the front end. But if he doesn't grasp this concept NOW, it could mean a world of hurt later.
The adventures of being a mom......
xo
Thursday, September 15, 2011
New Attitude?
Whooooooo its been a while. I can't say that its not for a lack of ideas of things to (a) write about, or (b) things going on. Its been a lack of "katie" time. Well....my attempt (hopefully not senseless) to take it back begins today.
We are trying a few things new today, as well as thinking about all the things coming up in my world.
1 - Today..... I turned in a CD of songs - 6 to be exact - to a friend of mine who has asked me to consider a guest performance for the Thacker Mountain Radio Show. It only took me 4 weeks to get music together. yeah - 4 weeks. That's really horrible on my part. But you don't understand how hard it is to pick 5 or 6 good songs written by someone else that you plan to do justice in a live performance. It made me completely nervous - and I think that nails down the reason that I never pursued an artist career in music while I lived in Nashville (that, and MANY other reasons.....more on that later if you ask.) But I would much rather go into a cool, eclectic radio show like this sporting my own tunes - but that wasn't going to happen. Sooo.... after toiling for 4 weeks about what to pick (man, there are so many great songs), I finally consulted my husband, who I was scared would shoot the rest of this opportunity down anyway (he had already stated his "woes" about it in the first place, and I was afraid that he'd put his one last nail in the coffin, assuming that I had forgotten all about it since I never brought it up again.) Once I consulted him (after some prayers!), he immersed himself totally in helping me. (wow! didn't see that one coming at all!) We picked out some good ones. And nope -not gonna tell ya. If the radio show can find a place for me, and actually formally invites me to participate, I will post the link to the broadcast. Then you'll see what we picked. :) I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
2 - Three words: NEW. YORK. CITY. Yeahhhhhhhh man. I be going. In a month. I simply cannot wait. Fall in the City is going to be beautiful. Joe has a RedBull convention and I'm going to wander the streets. Coldplay is going to be at 30 Rock at the Today Show and I'm going to GO. And then - I'm aching for some Late Night with Jimmy Fallon tickets, so I'm going to call back every day until they offer for that taping, and we are GOING. We're going to hit up Central Park with some coffee, and our fall scarves and boots, and just breathe the air. I just love NYC. LOVE IT!!!!!! I haven't been there in about 5 years, and that trip was fantastic (very difficult, but so much fun and, well, self-gratifying. I felt very empowered and proud of myself after that trip. I'll tell you more about THAT later too, if you ask.)
3 - I have decided that I am running a Half Marathon in February. Yessssssir, I'm going to do it. My best friend from college, Nathan, and I (and possibly one or two others if we can convince them that it will be somewhat fun and painless) are going for it. Feb 25th. Bring it on. Gotta start training now. I hate running in the cold, but I think that's probably better than 115 degree sweltering heat. I'm not even sure what cause I'm running for. I have to look that up today. But it better be good. Ah, what the heck - it will be. I was supposed to run a 1/2 marathon before turning 30 but having a couple of youngsters that demanded a lot of attention, as well as a lot of other crazy stuff going on held me back from having the time and dedication required to make it happen. Not this time. Going to make it work. I'm excited.
So much other stuff going on and to look forward to. Can't believe fall is HERE. Its upon me, right now, sitting on us. I have my pumpkin spice candle burning, and I'm watching the yellow leaves fall gracefully to the ground.
The new thing I'm trying today - well, first of all, Joey dropped his midafternoon nap MONTHS ago, if not a full year ago. But now that he's in K4, he has a little bit of take home work to concentrate on. I tried hard to get him to do it yesterday around 5:30, but that little sucker was sooooo tired and distracted, he had NO interest in it, and I just kept getting mad. So I decided we are bringing back the nap - 30 minutes of pure unadulterated power napping for my little man. When he wakes up, get him a little snackie snack, a little drank, and then shove a crayon in his hand to practice tracing his shapes and writing his letters. I'm so proud of him. I think this will really help him excel. he needs that rest. I just got tired of fighting the battle at night after having a mid day nap, and not getting him to fall asleep until midnight. We may still face that now, but I'm really betting on this. After his homework, we are going to go outside and play our little hearts out. Together. Some interval training running up and down the hill (yeah - double play time with 1/2 marathon strength training) and some soccer ball dribbling. It'll be fun.
Until tomorrow....or next week (shoot, you never know.),
I just be loving me some joe.
We are trying a few things new today, as well as thinking about all the things coming up in my world.
1 - Today..... I turned in a CD of songs - 6 to be exact - to a friend of mine who has asked me to consider a guest performance for the Thacker Mountain Radio Show. It only took me 4 weeks to get music together. yeah - 4 weeks. That's really horrible on my part. But you don't understand how hard it is to pick 5 or 6 good songs written by someone else that you plan to do justice in a live performance. It made me completely nervous - and I think that nails down the reason that I never pursued an artist career in music while I lived in Nashville (that, and MANY other reasons.....more on that later if you ask.) But I would much rather go into a cool, eclectic radio show like this sporting my own tunes - but that wasn't going to happen. Sooo.... after toiling for 4 weeks about what to pick (man, there are so many great songs), I finally consulted my husband, who I was scared would shoot the rest of this opportunity down anyway (he had already stated his "woes" about it in the first place, and I was afraid that he'd put his one last nail in the coffin, assuming that I had forgotten all about it since I never brought it up again.) Once I consulted him (after some prayers!), he immersed himself totally in helping me. (wow! didn't see that one coming at all!) We picked out some good ones. And nope -not gonna tell ya. If the radio show can find a place for me, and actually formally invites me to participate, I will post the link to the broadcast. Then you'll see what we picked. :) I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
2 - Three words: NEW. YORK. CITY. Yeahhhhhhhh man. I be going. In a month. I simply cannot wait. Fall in the City is going to be beautiful. Joe has a RedBull convention and I'm going to wander the streets. Coldplay is going to be at 30 Rock at the Today Show and I'm going to GO. And then - I'm aching for some Late Night with Jimmy Fallon tickets, so I'm going to call back every day until they offer for that taping, and we are GOING. We're going to hit up Central Park with some coffee, and our fall scarves and boots, and just breathe the air. I just love NYC. LOVE IT!!!!!! I haven't been there in about 5 years, and that trip was fantastic (very difficult, but so much fun and, well, self-gratifying. I felt very empowered and proud of myself after that trip. I'll tell you more about THAT later too, if you ask.)
3 - I have decided that I am running a Half Marathon in February. Yessssssir, I'm going to do it. My best friend from college, Nathan, and I (and possibly one or two others if we can convince them that it will be somewhat fun and painless) are going for it. Feb 25th. Bring it on. Gotta start training now. I hate running in the cold, but I think that's probably better than 115 degree sweltering heat. I'm not even sure what cause I'm running for. I have to look that up today. But it better be good. Ah, what the heck - it will be. I was supposed to run a 1/2 marathon before turning 30 but having a couple of youngsters that demanded a lot of attention, as well as a lot of other crazy stuff going on held me back from having the time and dedication required to make it happen. Not this time. Going to make it work. I'm excited.
So much other stuff going on and to look forward to. Can't believe fall is HERE. Its upon me, right now, sitting on us. I have my pumpkin spice candle burning, and I'm watching the yellow leaves fall gracefully to the ground.
The new thing I'm trying today - well, first of all, Joey dropped his midafternoon nap MONTHS ago, if not a full year ago. But now that he's in K4, he has a little bit of take home work to concentrate on. I tried hard to get him to do it yesterday around 5:30, but that little sucker was sooooo tired and distracted, he had NO interest in it, and I just kept getting mad. So I decided we are bringing back the nap - 30 minutes of pure unadulterated power napping for my little man. When he wakes up, get him a little snackie snack, a little drank, and then shove a crayon in his hand to practice tracing his shapes and writing his letters. I'm so proud of him. I think this will really help him excel. he needs that rest. I just got tired of fighting the battle at night after having a mid day nap, and not getting him to fall asleep until midnight. We may still face that now, but I'm really betting on this. After his homework, we are going to go outside and play our little hearts out. Together. Some interval training running up and down the hill (yeah - double play time with 1/2 marathon strength training) and some soccer ball dribbling. It'll be fun.
Until tomorrow....or next week (shoot, you never know.),
I just be loving me some joe.
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